Death, divorce, and children: Have you and your partner had these talks?

Discussing topics such as mortality, potential relationship breakdowns, or the division of family wealth isn’t necessarily a comfortable subject for anyone.

It’s easy to push these conversations aside in favour of immediate, everyday priorities. However, avoiding them altogether can be detrimental in the long run and pose a risk to your family’s future financial security.

Tackling these tough conversations with a clear plan in place can help lessen their emotional impact. It ensures you’re both able to make deliberate and informed financial decisions together before a crisis forces your hand.

Talking about the unthinkable could help protect your wealth

Many couples delay estate planning because the idea of facing and discussing their own mortality can, understandably, be uncomfortable.

Research from Sue Ryder, an end of life and bereavement support charity, indicates that:

• More than one-third of individuals don’t speak about death with family because they don’t want to upset them.
• 3 in 5 people find it easier to talk to a stranger about death than to a loved one.
• Men feel particularly anxious about this, with 67% agreeing that talking to a stranger is easier than opening up to family.

While understandable, avoiding these conversations leaves the surviving partner to navigate complicated legal processes and administrative burdens alone during a period of grief.

Approaching the topic logically could help. Here are a few points to discuss together.

• Start the discussion with essential legal documents. Ensure both you and your partner have up-to-date wills, Lasting Powers of Attorney (LPA) for both health and financial decisions, and an expression of wish form for your workplace and personal pensions.
• Make sure both partners have full visibility of household finances. Transparency is important in ensuring that vital information is as accessible as possible. This could include where key accounts are held, how to find important documents, and how to access relevant protection plans.
• Ensure both partners are aware of any outstanding liabilities. It’s important to address debt and tax liabilities so they can be resolved appropriately if one of you passes away.

While challenging, normalising conversations around death transforms what feels like a taboo topic and turns it into a practical act of care.

The financial realities of divorce and separation can be challenging for both parties

While many long-term partnerships remain solid, there is always the chance that you could separate from your spouse, partner, or civil partner. This is becoming more common later in life; divorce rates for couples over 50 have doubled since 1990, and research reported by Psychology Today predicts that “grey divorces” will triple by 2030.

A relationship breakdown could catch you off guard when it comes to shared assets, particularly pensions. Many don’t realise that pensions are considered marital assets, just like property or savings.

Nevertheless, pensions are often missed in divorce settlements because of pressure, uncertainty, and other urgent decisions. If a settlement fails to handle pension sharing properly, one partner could face a significant shortfall in retirement income.

Keeping up-to-date records and maintaining open conversations about retirement can help protect both parties if a relationship ends.

Being proactive now could mean you pass more wealth to your children

Under 2026/27 UK tax rules, lifetime gifts fall under the seven-year rule as potentially exempt transfers (PETs). If you survive for seven years after making a financial gift, it falls completely outside of your estate for Inheritance Tax (IHT) purposes.

Building an estate plan and considering making lifetime gifts in your 50s gives you plenty of opportunities to pass wealth down to your children tax-free – but it requires communication.

Many individuals view estate planning as a topic for later in life. However, research reported by Today’s Wills & Probate shows that starting earlier could help families in the top 10% of UK wealth pass on an average of £397,000 more to their loved ones.

Key areas to consider with your partner include:

• Deciding whether you want to support your children’s early life milestones, such as marriage or buying a home, or hold on to assets and leave a traditional inheritance
• Structuring gifts using vehicles such as Junior ISAs, a Junior Self-Invested Personal Pension (SIPP), or trust structures.

When planned alongside your own financial goals, you could provide significant support for your children in a way that remains tax-efficient for both you and them.

3 practical strategies for having tough talks

While knowing what needs to be discussed can feel straightforward, knowing how to bring up sensitive topics can be more challenging. Here are three practical ways to start.

1. Pick the right time

Schedule a dedicated, unhurried financial check-in rather than bringing up complex or potentially distressing topics out of the blue.

2. Start with your shared values

Frame conversations around your core long-term goals, such as protecting a family legacy or securing your children’s future, rather than leading with cold numbers.

3. Use a neutral third party

Involving a financial planner in your conversations could help provide a more objective environment through which you can have these sensitive discussions.

We’re here to help

Navigating complex family dynamics and wealth transfers requires careful planning and an empathetic approach. Whether you want to review your estate plan, protect your retirement, or structure a wealth transfer for your children, we’re here to support you.

To find out more, get in touch.

• Marnel Stafford: email Marnel.Stafford@fosterdenovo.com or call 07305 970959
• Ryan Edwards: email Ryan.Edwards@fosterdenovo.com or call 07591 758136

Alternatively, you can call our office on 0207 469 2800.

Please note

This article is for general information only and does not constitute advice. The information is aimed at individuals only.

All information is correct at the time of writing and is subject to change in the future.

Please do not act based on anything you might read in this article. All contents are based on our understanding of HMRC legislation, which is subject to change.

The Financial Conduct Authority does not regulate estate planning, Lasting Powers of Attorney, tax planning, or will writing.

A pension is a long-term investment not normally accessible until 55 (57 from April 2028). The fund value may fluctuate and can go down, which would have an impact on the level of pension benefits available. Past performance is not a reliable indicator of future performance.

The tax implications of pension withdrawals will be based on your individual circumstances. Thresholds, percentage rates, and tax legislation may change in subsequent Finance Acts.